Reflections 2021

Mentor Reflections per Topic as Reported by the Mentors of Nerina

Do you think you were successful in providing newcomers / mentees with support and assistance in the adjustment and transition in their new university environment?

Yes I believe that I was successful in providing my mentees with support and assistance during Welcoming and in the time since then. Assistance being not just in terms of orientating them around campus/helping them to find their feet but mainly emotional support and the building of real solid relationships as proven with the fact that they still ask for catch-up sessions with me- which I find truly validating!

This year has been a huge growth process Seeing how my mentees have come into the year scared and fresh out of high school and now seeing them becoming so close to the friends they have made within our mentor group I have been privileged enough to walk a path with one of my mentis and help her grow through challenging times with finding herself and embracing who she is My mentees have become extremely self efficient and it feels as though they don't need me anymore - which is both sad yet satisfying to know that they are on their own path and feel confident enough now to journey on their own

What has been the most challenging part of being a mentor? What will you do differently? What will you advise prospective mentors?

I feel my emotions very deeply I tend to try to analyze exactly what it is that I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it and whilst this is a good thing to be able to do I sometimes find myself struggling as this sort of self-reflection can tend to consume me. It was through this experience of being a mentor that I fully realised just how much other peoples' pain/ emotions affect me personally. I try to put myself in their shoes in order to sympathise with them as much as possible as I want to understand them as well as their actions/behaviour better. Whilst I believe this is still one of my greatest strengths (my ability to sympathise with someone) it has the potential to be one of my weaknesses too as I need to accept that I cannot make every thing better for every one- and that because I am someone who feels very deeply if I take on said emotions and hard-ships it may lead to me being emotionally exhausted (which obviously is not a good thing for my mental health nor for those around me as one cannot pour from an empty cup so to speak). In terms of what I would do differently I do not think that there is anything I would change- I believe that everything happens for a reasons and I grew a lot through this experience and so there is nothing I would want to change about it.In terms of advising prospective mentors I would say be raw be real and be open. You cannot expect your mentees to be vulnerable with you if you have yet to be vulnerable with them- building a relationship is a two way street and it is important that you share with them about yourself/what matters to you before expecting them to trust you with what is on their heart.

I have definitely struggled to keep n contact with all my mentees I found it challenging to keep on checking up on them with and giving them each my time I would have made more of an effort every week to see them, and would have asked them to keep me accountable with regard to spending time with them and catching up

How do you think you think you refined and strengthened your "communication" skills during your term as a mentor? Please elaborate.

In terms of communication as I stated above I believe that it is vital for mentors to be raw and real with their mentees to share about themselves/what makes them who they are before expecting their mentees to possibly share. Trust is the key element in any relationship. In order to have open communication/feel comfortable sharing what is on our heart with somebody else we need to be able to put our trust in that somebody. Trust is earned and thus it is only through sharing our experiences/talking with our mentees about ourselves and what makes us (the mentor) who we are that we can build that trust and confidence. In my personal opinion I believe that there is no problem which cannot be solved by having an open dialogue with someone. If people had the courage to say what they wanted/needed to say to other people about how they are feeling instead of bottling said feelings up the world would be a much simpler place as there would be far less miscommunication heartache and confusion. Through this experience of being a mentor I truly learnt the value of say what you mean and mean what you say.

I have definitely had to priorities my communication over the phone through platforms like WhatsApp I am known to be bad on my phone and take a while to respond to messages, but being a mentor and living in times like lockdown and being online I have had to force myself to be better with responding to messages and being more intentional with the messages I send on our mentee group and to my individual mentees

How do you think you think you refined and strengthened your "collaboration" skills during your term as a mentor? Please elaborate.

Being assigned five completely different human beings all with different life-outlooks from different background and with different beliefs is a challenging concept to have to tackle initially. In the beginning you (and them) know literally nothing about each other and as they are all different they all have different emotions triggered through each task/day of Welcoming and thus having to work through the possibly diverse emotions experienced by each member of the mentee group on the daily absolutely strengthened my collaboration skills. I think what really refined this skill of mine was learning to listen to each mentee in the group and trying to name the predominant emotion/feeling being relayed throughout what they were saying. I did not always name the correct feeling and then they would correct me- and it is through this correcting that I learnt to listen better. And as such feelings/emotions were named it made it easier for other members of the group to agree or relate thus aiding collaboration and resulting in the group gelling very well as even though they felt different emotions at different times naming and talking about why they felt such emotions helped them to better understand each other and build stronger relationships.

My mentees came from all over the country, some from Stellies, Durban and East London It was challenging at first to find some middle ground to talk about with the girls as they each came from such different backgrounds but nonetheless I found that by digging a bit deeper with each person that one can easily find things to build a relationship off of and help them form relationships in amongst themselves just by asking the right questions in out group setting

How do you think you think you refined and strengthened your "critical thinking" skills during your term as a mentor? Please elaborate.

I believe that mentoring is a very personalised experience and it is with complete honesty that I can say that I learnt as much about my mentees as I did about myself. Mentoring is not necessarily about solving your mentee's problem it is about being an ally to them engaging with and guiding them in order to allow them to help themselves and to better understand what it is that they are feeling and why. This form of 'active listening' when a mentee was talking/sharing I believe refinded my critical thinking skills as instead of listening to respond I was listening to understand and it is through understanding that I was then able to think critically about whatever the situation and help my mentee better analyse said situation by asking them questions which triggered them to think about the issue is a certain way/reach a conclusion by themselves instead of wanting me to give them the answer (which obviously I- nor anyone else- could do as we are all unique individuals and what would be right for me would not necessarily be right for her).

I'm going to be very honest and say that I don't think my critical thinking improved or refined I felt that I was very focused on the connection I have with each of my mentees and didn't spend much time thinking critically about our relationship or situation

How do you think you think you refined and strengthened your "creativity" skills during your term as a mentor? Please elaborate.

I am not entirely sure how to interpret such a question however I think I learned a lot about the art of conversation through being a mentor. It's about juggling and relating your emotions to the emotions of your mentees by validating what is is that they are feeling even if you cannot fully comprehend it yourself. I feel that it's not so much about what you say or do or give to them as much as it is about showing up for them and being there when they need you.

I really enjoyed getting creative with the welcoming letters that i gave each of them at the beginning f their time in stellies I have also enjoyed getting creative with the ice breakers and conversation topics to get to know one another Finding new places to go and new things to do as a mentor group and even with my individual mentees has also been a creative task